If Confidence is Key, then I’m Locked Out

Everyone says that confidence is key. If that is the case, then I am indefinitely locked out of whatever that key leads to.  In the past, I would wish for more confidence. Confidence is sexy… Guys like confident girls… You’re more attractive when you act confident… I had heard those things my whole life and the more self conscious about my lack of confidence I got. Ironic, right?  Until I accepted that I was never going to be ridiculously outgoing or want to be the center of attention, I knew I couldn’t be happy with myself.

DSC_5974.jpegNow, I have embraced that I am indeed a terribly awkward person. As such, I am able to put myself into more situations that would previously make me freeze; like photoshoots. Being in front of the camera was something I avoided at all costs. There was never a single photo where I wouldn’t pick out every flaw and see nothing of value. I still do that to a certain extent, but I’m now able to let myself try a bit more and have fun in front  of the camera.

Taking a good picture or doing a “photoshoot” is a learning experience. No one becomes a professional after one try. I am lucky as my best friend is a photographer, making the whole process more fun and less stressful. I have tried doing photoshoots with strangers, but I would just freeze and not get a single good photo.

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This change didn’t come from anyone but myself. Compliments regarding looks are not new to me, but I never believe them. I have simply realised that I do not need to be perfect and I that want to enjoy life. Both of those things led to me not being so hard on myself. Even though I make it sound like an instantaneous change, it was not. That took weeks if not months of changing my thought patterns. I have finally realised that instead of confidence, I show humility and gratefulness instead, and I think that is pretty great.

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